8/23/12

What You Mean to Me
By Donald Ishikawa


A night that will never fade,
Feelings that will never be forgotten.
Beginning in a fit of anguish,
Ending in the caress of comfort.
Staring into the dimmed panel, the mocking screen.
Only caused me to hurt.
An affliction of wanting,
Furthered only by the false hopes of belonging.
The human curse.
Staring into your words,
The declarations of your devotion.
Glowing sigils that sing of eternity,
An endless lifetimes of happiness.
Reading them for what they are,
Whom they are to,
To her...
Making me forget the dreams,
My own delusions,
The deep seeded desires of a fool.
Words that describe what I wished for,
What I secretly covet.
The letters that spell your glimmering world,
Eviscerating mine in an instant.
Were my efforts hollow?
Warm intentions turned to ash.
Burned alive by their own purpose.
The opening of my soul to you,
To make myself vulnerable, to let you inside.
Opening the gates that I bar to all others.
A rash effort to become one?

No!
Nothing was wasted,
Bold actions were not in vain.
The words on that screen no longer herald sadness,
But joyous epiphany.
When I remember time I've shared with you,
Though brief in the eyes of world,
Feel like years of revelations.
The conversations that intrigue me,
That made me laugh,
That made me share myself,
Showing you who I am,
Making me reflect on myself.
I can only smile inside.
A feeling that reaches into my core, saving me from suffocation.
I see how much closer to a person I have become,
To a woman of uniqueness,
Who's spark is matched by her wit.
Who's conviction is unwavering.
Who isn't afraid to reveal herself, who she is.
Who she loves.
And when I remember your words about her,
When we spoke.
What you said, what I read before me,
How can I not want you to hold tightly to that?
I no longer covet you,
Humanity's curse no longer hanging over my strengthened body,
It is a shadowed figure that sits in exile.
No longer agonizing a once troubled being.
I have only one feeling now.
A desire that has yet to be told,
One to be saved for when we meet again.
To tell you that I care,
About you, our friendship.
To continue the bond we have built.
Watching you grow as a person,
Witnessing your triumphs.

Shall I have the courage to open up again?
I will.
And when they ask me about you.
Whether it was worth it.
Getting to know you,
Finding out who you are.
I can say in a heartbeat,
Voided of any hesitation,
Without a moments pause,
Yes!


- - -
Donald Ishikawa is a student who loves to write poetry. After a year of creative writing, he now seeks to continue his writing and get his name "out there". He has been recently been informed that he will be published in The Rusty Nail literary magazine.