9/16/12

On the Only Thing Making Sense
By Alyanna Diavane


Do you remember how we sat right next to each other almost every day?
Do you remember the sensation when our hands met?
I never understood why but it felt nice.
When we were together, everything felt right.
I didn't mind what others said.
I didn't care if there was someone else. All I knew back then was

I like you.

Did the wrongness of the situation put you off?
Did you see that there was no chance that it would be alright?
Was going away without a trace the only escape you can think of?
It's unfair. I thought you would always be there.
I thought there was something going on between us.
I thought risking reputation for you was worth it.
I just thought: Maybe this person is worth keeping.
I didn't know what happened next. You were gone but

I miss you.

Maybe it's the guilt that sent you away
Or maybe you got tired of me. How can I know now?
You were never the type to tell the truth.
You were never the one to break the ice.
Maybe there was nothing to begin with.
Maybe I only held on to the illusion of your smile.
Is this what you wanted? Am I just a fling to you?
The words hanging from my mouth:

Was I too much?

For believing, for once, that you might be able to save me
For holding my heart out for you to heal it once again
For expecting you to be different from the rest.
I was silly, I know. And now you're gone for good
It's as if we've never met. As if nothing happened.

I'm sorry.

Don't worry. I'm moving on.
Trying to find someone who can mend me once more.
Someone who can catch me when I fall.
One who can distract me from all the pain I've put myself through.
My scars won't go away, you see? But I've got to smile for no one else but me.
It might be fake but, who knows,
There might come a time when I can finally say

Goodbye.

- - -
Innocent enough to love. Knowledgeable enough to think things through. "Be warned. I'm a disaster in the making." is what she'd normally say but now it's just "This has tragedy written all over it."