10/8/12

Angel
By Erin Codd


Until I feel the urge to get better,
I’ll write this as a reminder of years
That I spent taking notice of your life.

At least now I know how to feel something
Rather than just anything, and oh, geez,
The difference is so severe, I feel raw.
Children aren’t as innocent as I was
Before I remembered my yelling out
“Emergency! Now make a decision;
Stay and study the person, but if not,
If you love them, you lose significance.”
Was I important or was I in love?
I’ll follow you halfway down the tunnel
Before I determine if the light there
Has a cause enough to support us both.
Then you diagnose me as what I am
(And what I will be): A patient pussy,
A coward in the form of a woman.
Shortly thereafter, it occurred to me
That I felt like an ignorant newborn
Giving birth to itself over again
And learning how to be unusual,
To find beauty in “below the standard,”
To be limitless in development.
So there you are, trying to guide the way,
Referring to all that’s incredible
But also credible in its blessing.
Consulting with you was like consulting
With angels, always finding the system
That would enhance my quality of life.
When it came to returning the favor,
I didn’t want to continue being
A codependent disability,
So right after I learned how to adapt,
I was also learning how to deter,
How to prepare for something like this
(Something like your absence). It’s not easy,
But what I lacked in certain confidence,
I made up for in determination.
I know I’ll never find your replacement.
I don’t cater to that need and desire
But I’ll try to provide my own comfort.

Until I feel the urge to get better,
You’re always going to be at the heart
Of being completely under my skin.


- - -
My name is Erin Codd, and I was born and raised in Spokane, Washington. I’m currently 17 years old, but I’m fairly certain I’ve written more poetry than a 30-year-old heartthrob. I find inspiration in nearly everything I see, and I’m struggling to share my literature with the world. Hopefully you can help me out.